Thoughts.

Written at Thursday, February 22, 2007 | back to top

curia is tis sat..hopefully every pdm bring their money n can collate e number of ppl who will be going..but for sure..i know will not be able de lor..if all e pdms got at least 1 person come..i think i xin man yi zu le..

my faith has dropping recently..know tat it happen but somehow it juz went to e back of my head..only after e convo on tue's night did i keep thinkin on wat happen to my faith..y is is dropping..how can i revive e passion n interest tat i once had for catholic stuff..n on tat very night..i learnt never to think so much before u go to sleep..wahh..tat night cant even sleep..even if i did sleep..it was a super light one..then e next day was super sleepy..even till today..still so sleepy..slept during maths class n durin e mock parliament session..think wu-ya saw me sleeping..but i heck care le lar..so pek lor..when u feel so sleepy..

ohya..bout e faith thing..i think i know y my faith dropping..

can u imagine if someone told u say she wanna quit legion coz got no cca points..when u keep on trying yet there is not much response from ppl who willing to join legion..when ur members dun wan go for meetings bcoz of see t'cher bu shuang..when ur pdm hav been asked to organise acies..n in e process of organising it..u met with so many disappointments..when during ur life recently,u met with so many rejections..when there r so many routines n things in ur life to see to tat u take it all for granted knowing tat u will be stuck in e sch for another 1++ yrs with tis kind of lifestyle..

guess my faith isnt very strong..e convo on tue night made me to think back to p6 tat yr..when i was choosing my sch..wanted to go st marg but went stc becoz of catholic stuff..n y did i wanted tat catholic stuff..it was bcoz i felt such an emptiness within me when i realised tat if i go to st marg..i wldnt be able to hav weekday sch mass..no more catechism..n morn prayers..it was tat longing for all these n also my longing to be a legionary tat made me go stc..

i also rmb bout my last few days at stc..i was very sad those few days..partially becoz i dun know if i was able to stay in e sch n also becoz of e many catholic stuff tat i wld lose upon leavin e sch..i cld not bear to leave my friends nor cld i bear to leave all e catholic stuff..

bcoz it was these catholic stuff tat somehow made pulled me through e many other things i had to do..

n on tat night i rmb tis quote by scout from e novel-to kill a mockingbird-"until i feared i would lose it,i never loved to read.one does not love breathing."

tis quote made me realised tat when i was going to lose being able to participate in catholic stuff..i would cherish every moment of doing it even when things dun go well and loved it even more..

however,recently..havin legion meetings was kinda sian to me..going up to do my morn assembly singing duties n monthly first friday mass duties wasnt sth tat sparked my mood..sth tat i looked forward too..it was..but somehow tat passion was gone..

i realised tat i began to take things for granted becoz i knew i wld be in e sch for another 2 years..n these r things tat i hav been doing for e past 1-2yrs..so there wasnt tat kind of enthusiasm of new things in me..i take it for granted every mth there wld be a mass..n mic n i hav to go help..take it for granted tat after mon's bio class..hav to go for legion meetings..take it for granted tat every mon mor at 7..hav to go up for morn assembly duty..so i started to becoming more sian towards these stuff..n external factors(read para4)..

but my faith really isnt tat strong..i till now sometimes still hav difficulty trusting and surrender everything fully in God..but i think now e most impt thing is to pray tat i wld be able to hav e continued passion n love for such stuff..n from now,i will do each duty n particpate in such things like there will be never a chance anymore..

ohya..e mass on wed will be a mass i will nv be able to forget..e communion song was heart of worship..n e song touched my heart..

e song goes like tis..

when e music fades

all is stripped away

n i simply come

longing just to bring something tat's of worth

tat will bless ur heart

i will bring u more than a song

for a song in itself

is not wat u hav required

you search much deeper within through e way things appear

i'm coming back to e heart of worship

n it's all about u,all about u jesus

i m sorry lord for e thing i hav made it

when it's all about you

it's all about you,jesus..

tis song touched me to tears coz e period before e mass..i juz thought of mass as time to do my duties..catholic stuff as responsiblities..i totally taken it for granted..n i hav lost e passion tat was once in me..

but now tat i hav sorted it all out..i feel much better..but i still think it will take me a while to be all alright..coz i m emo de ma..