Thoughts.

Written at Friday, July 27, 2007 | back to top

yipee..13more days for me to bcome e vp of interact officially..then i can be more free le..

really hav a lot of mixed feelings..

我是失败中最失败的人。。。。我什么都没有只有轻易地低头我什么都没有只有放弃的念头。。。。

on one hand,i feel very shi bai..

but on e other hand,when i decided to make tat decision,there is sense of numbness within me..

it's like there is sadness n bu she de..but i still felt so numb..

i feel very shi bai coz e legion(i guess)is really gonna close down le..n i feel i really failed as a vp..perhaps some see me as away of escapin from wat i need to do..perhaps some see me as a way of being tired and so becoming irresponsible..but if u really understand me,i guess u wld noe e reason..

..to see e legion close is also sth i do not wan..esp with e fact tat it was legion tat i come to stc..esp with e fact tat mother mary led me to join..

initially,i was very heart-broken when i had to face e option of closin down legion..

but as time goes by..tis sense of sadness juz turn into guilt..as in i feel guilty for not bein able to carry it out well..i feel guilty tat i hav let mother mary down by closin it..

but now tis guilt seems to become numbness..no doubt tat a sense of guilt n sadness will surface once in a while,but tis numbness is so strong tat it juz remove e (once strong)sense of guilt and sadness..

i guess u really need to b close to me or hav undergo such a situation to be able to understand all these ba..