Thoughts.

Written at Wednesday, January 28, 2009 | back to top

ahh,it only occured to me tat i forgot to add god to my list of thanks..

hmm,not tat i really forgot to thank him but i did so in prayers and i was wonderin if i wrote it here,wld it be usin his name in vain..

but i guess it wldnt be?coz other than thankin god,i wld like to add on more..

aft receivin my results tat day,i rmb bout tat voice two yrs back..

i wont say for sure tat it cld be god..but well,i thank mother mary n e saints but i left out god?..

anw,back to tat part,

durin e course of tat past two yrs,i always i was startin to noe wat those words meant..and even began to lose faith in those words..

i even think tat i muz be imaginin things..

and aft i saw e results,i realised he fufilled his promise..

juz tat i had to give him time..

juz tat i had to look at e bigger picture..

yet tat very often,because of my impatience and my lack of faith,im unable to do either of e two..

i noe im not prayin enough but when im weak,i start to become doubtful,thus losin my ability to pray even more..

all these things bout god bring me back to e day when i went back to stc to put e two vase tat i hav bought for lom..

anw,lom vases broke juz bfor lom close down..n i went to buy new ones to replace but keep forgettin to put them into e chapel..and since i'll most prob not join cj lom,i might as well leave it in stc lom since it was bought usin money fr stc lom..

so yup,went to e office n ask e office staff for e chapel keys..i explained e whole story and aft listenin to me,she say wait for a while..

and freakin fungus was der,she didnt even bother to help n talk to me like its-none-of-her-business..

e office staff finally came back,sayin:tis' sister julie,u can talk to her..

so i tot hmm e keys r kept by her or on her..well okay..

and aft i repeated e whole story to sister julie,she said to me:okay,u can go to e chapel to put the keys..

upon listenin to wat she has to say,in my heart only tis tot was runnin across my mind:great!so u dun hav e keys then ask u to come out n talk to me for wat la mann..

e office staff even ask me which yr u graduated in and ask sister julie if i can go in to e chapel to put e keys or not..

wth lah..treat me like im sumone who wan steal stuff fr e chapel like tat..

pls la..chapel can steal wat?books ah?-.-

and who will come early to sch to steal la---.-""

finally,aft so long,i managed to get e keys but e office staff muz be dun fang xin,helped me open e door..

and if not coz i told her i wanted to stay in e chapel a lil while to pray,i bet she will make sure she locks e door mann..

as a result,she told me to lock e door aft prayin,etc..

serisly,wat pisses me off fr tis whole episode is e way e office staff sees me and e fact tat der were gambling cards in e chapel..

mayb its me being rigid,but i cant accept n dun lik e idea of gamblin cards in god's place of worship..

wow,tis speaks greatly of the catholic education here..

firstly,e chapel is seldom used.

secondly,e vases durin lom days were broken by sum ppl n not even owning up at all

thirdly,gambling..

and e nun was being ultra friendly,aft tat talk she didnt bother to company me to e chapel..

okay mayb she was busy la huh..

but e presence of e nun really upsetted me loads..

i do not noe if tat's e reason tat caused me to cry when i went to e chapel and carried e mother mary statue once more or if its due to another reason..

however,i do noe tat der was a nun in stc sumtime in later part of 2008 and it was e same nun..

i keep questionin..

why cant a nun come a yr earlier

why muz it only be a yr later

why wasnt der a way or a chance for lom to be revived

was it for ij ym tat tis nun came..if then y cldnt they b a bit more fair to lom

aint catholics suppose to help one another

or wat my mum believ is true

why didnt i hav e strength to cont pushin on

why cldnt i hav enough faith

why muz there be a lil hope tat it cld b revived n destroyed juz a while ltr

why do i hav to experience tis n not other catholics