Thoughts.

Written at Monday, March 9, 2009 | back to top

ahh,maths ca's 2moro..hmm,and i noe i shldnt be at e com nor at e tv watchin channel u hotel show while bloggin..ohmann,and i still got yi qie wan mei tonight<3..
i guess im here coz i need a channel to sort out my thoughts?im really very confused as to wat ccas i shld join?
lom+nexus?
lom+svdp?
nexus+svdp?
or lom+nexus+svdp?
i guess e one juz above can kill me..

tho my experience for last wk's svdp was an eye-opener and it felt nice..
lom didnt seem too bad either..e seniors did sum reflection and it made me realised tat i wasnt e only alone on tis catholic journey..there r ppl who experience shit tho a diff kind,but they still push on..and i suddenly realise tat wat makes lom beautiful is tat all of us tho sinners and recognise tat,still come tgt to come and pray tgt..

but im scared of joinin..tat fear in me is still acute..
on e surface,im scared of lom close down coz i join..
but deep inside,i dun wan to get hurt once more,i dun wan to face those politics tat i hav to see e other time..
when i came to e knowledge tat germaine wasnt in lom anymore,i was appalled..how cld sumone who's so enthu in catholic not be in it..i pondered if its my fault tat she quit..was it tat incident to cause her to leave..
if then,i feel chao ex guilty..
i noe tat shld cj lom fall or anythin,i cant pick myself up from the pit of faith and i wld be cynical for e rest of my life..
yet aft a chat today,indeed,lom has taught me sth and well,in a certain way enriched my life..but i guess im juz into escapism?
then again,based on wat sumone has told me bfor,it wont lead me to anywhere..coz one day,all these will come in one big chunk and haunt me..
it has been close to 19mths and i still cant let go..and i still can bring myself back to serve god and be engaged in catholic activities..
perhaps all e passion i had for lom,e love i had for mother mary were ruined by e politics huh?

hmm,kenneth says he wan be lom's pres..and as a classmate,i feel i shld go join lom to give him e support?coz i understand how tough it can be when der's no committed mems..and it sucks..lol,tat situation of lil ppl also marks e great decline of e pdm..
but even if i were to join lom,i wont be able to commit my sats to go help in old folks' home?and i realised tat a pdm need to carry out works unless e prayer lvl very strong..so if almost all e j1s who wanna join dun wan commit sat,i guess lom can also be on e verge of closin down?
i really meant no crticising here..i guess i juz wanna explore e possibilities?

im suddenly very tempted to ask _____ if i shld join back lom..
_ did tell me bfor tat perhaps it wld be btr to join sth else and not lom..its really peculiar tat i wld think of _ at tis point of time..

Written at Monday, March 9, 2009 | back to top